Meant but Lost
by You Can't Live Without Me
Summary: Roxas loves Sora but the brunette only wants to screw him. What happens when there's only a little bit of time left for the two of them? And only at the highest 8 chapters of this fic with a sequal? RoxasxSora
1. Chapter 1

_There is always sleep before part and meet…_

I lay on my bed and stared at the clock. It's eight at night and yet I'm attempting to go to bed. Of course this is ridicules and on the edge of becoming an obsessive freak. I know all this but I have to go to sleep now.

When I was little my mom always told me that the sooner I go to bed the sooner morning comes. If that's true then it means that I'll be able to see him tomorrow. I can't wait! Roxas… that's such a cool name for a punk like him! I mean… Riku is a cool name and all and so is Axel but the name Roxas… it just has this _fuck me_ vibe to it.

His looks help this vibe become stronger. I like this vibe. Apparently others do too though. Axel and I are friends and we have been for five years but even so… I'll kill him if he goes after Roxas. I'm just being nice though. If he were anyone other than one of my best friends then he would be slowly tortured with melted copper sliding over his stomach while his nails are ripped off.

During all of this I'd also be shaving his precious hair.

Thank god he's my best friend. It costs too much to torture people these days. I smiled to myself and decided that I can win against him. Roxas and I… we'd make a good pair. I know this because he just looks the part. He seems like the only guy I know that can top me and I can top him right back!

That's just the kind of fuckers we'd be. I would say lovers but at this point we aren't in love. I mean, I haven't even talked to him as anything more than friends. I probably should flirt tomorrow when we meet up once again. I smiled to myself once more and closed my eyes ready for sleep to overtake me.

I woke up at three to the sound of my phone ringing. I picked it up groggily. "What do you want fucking bastard?" I demanded knowing full well the fucktard was getting in the way of my precious sleep! I still have so many fucking hours till I get to see him again and now this guy is ruining my quick way to getting my Roxas!

"Sora? Uh… it's me, Roxas." The person on the other line said hesitantly. My face turned red, like really red, insanely red. I know I just ruined the cute and perfect image he had of me. Aw crap. My hand covered my mouth in horror. "Sora are you there? Were you sleeping?"

I blinked and quickly took a deep breath to compose myself. "Yea… but it's okay. Sorry about the greeting. I thought you were Axel or somebody else." I grumbled and rubbed my face with my hand. I could hear him laughing softly to himself.

"So you treat me differently than everyone else who could have called you this late?" He asked sounding highly amused. I sat up in bed then banged my head against the wall several times. I officially decided that phone calls late at night are stupid. They are _so_ fucking stupid. You say the damndest things to people and it sucks.

"Yea whatever fuck it I don't care anymore." I growled and started to hang up the phone but he stopped me. I don't even know how to explain how but somehow he stopped me. I hesitated thinking that he wanted to tell me something important.

"I love you." Roxas informed me blankly then hung up. Fuck it. I'm going to bed.

When I woke up the next morning I blinked in surprise seeing someone sitting on my bed leaning over me. I blinked several more times before finally raising an eyebrow. "What are you doing Roxas?" I asked hoping he _was _doing some form of mind rape. That would be classic awesomeness that I would have no choice but to indulge.

"I'm watching you sleep." He explained making me glare at him before slapping the boy. NO FUCKING RETARD WATCHES ANOTHER FUCKING RETARD SLEEP. It's illegal.

"Don't do that… it's illegal." I informed him darkly watching his amused expression. I got up and put on my clothes for the day knowing full well that this felt awkward. He _loves_ me. I _lust_ after him sure but no love here.

"Do you want to go out with me?" Roxas asked after I was fully dressed and ready to go. I glanced around my apartment making sure no one else was around. I mean, almost _everyone_ has a key to my place. That's probably how he got in.

"Uh… sure if we can fuck a bit along the way." I informed him and then smirked at the guy. He looked at me curiously then smiled slyly back at me. I accepted that as a yes and went on into the kitchen to get poptarts. Roxas followed me like the little macho puppy that he was making me smile softly before opening the pantry.

"Smores poptarts it is." He grinned and grabbed the box before tossing me one. I watched him get once for himself and led him to the living room where we began playing the movie Howl's Moving Castle. It was nice being together with him like this. I may not love Roxas but I like hanging out with him. He held my hand halfway through the movie and when it ended I squeezed his before holding it up to my mouth and kissing it.

"Why do you only want to fuck me? Can't we be something more?" Roxas asked softly leaning forward with his body pressed against mine. I have to say, this is not helping his case. I blushed scarlet and tried to pull away. Okay sure I've been fantasizing about this for a long time but uh… not when he loves me.

I didn't know how much I'd regret not spending enough time with him.


	2. Chapter 2

_With our usual words on the usual street_

I walked over to his usual spot and smiled at him knowing that this was the time. I'm ready for this. I just have to pull aside the curtain and pretend like he doesn't love me. I walked inside the Usual Spot and realized too soon that it was over. He was in love.

Roxas smiled at me with such a soft expression. I realized too soon that it was the kind of smile you give to someone you want to spend your life with. I'm not _that_ person! I could never be _that_ person! He patted the couch seat beside him making me walk over hesitantly.

When Roxas slid an arm around my waist I unconsciously placed my head on his shoulder. "You are such a freak." I muttered knowing I always tell him this.

"You are such a dork." He responded like he always did. We smiled at each other knowing this is the same routine but for some reason… it's not. A warm feeling filled my chest whole as I tried to picture my life years from now with him. If we're still together.

"How long are we going to last for?" I asked him curiously. Roxas looked down at me and gave a sly smile.

"If all you want is sex then perhaps seven years or so… until I get tired of you. If you want me for something else with the sex then we could last the rest of our lives. Unless you have some annoying quirks I don't know about…" He hinted making me hit him on the shoulder jokingly. He just laughed and held me tighter.

I like being with him. It feels natural and yet also… warm. Roxas brings all these warm feelings into me and I want to explode! How much longer until I do? Will we truly remain like this for as long as a lifetime? Can that even be possible? I doubt it.

"Thank you." Roxas whispered into my ear while he held my hand curling his fingers in mine. I smiled softly before glancing up at him.

"For what?" I asked making him laugh once more.

"Just for being with me. I feel connected to you and I can tell there's a deep bond somewhere. Even if something bad were to happen we'd still know that there's no denying the fact that we belong together. This is just me though, since you don't like me." He shrugged but he said it in a playful way.

Somehow I could feel a chill in his chest telling me that this isn't okay. He's not fine with us being anything other than a couple if only for the simple fact that he loves me. I guess I love him too in a way. I never really thought about Roxas as anything more than a sex toy. No one that I would hang out with or call when I'm in trouble.

Could this be a bonus or just a charge I have to deal with? I guess it can be good. Having someone love me should be a good thing right? Thoughts of Axel flashed in my head. He'd love Roxas more than I ever could. At the moment though, I think this is fine. Roxas knows and he understands. He has to think this is enough or he'd never ask.

"I like you a lot." I informed him and kissed him on the neck. "But it's for sex. When I like you for love I'll let you know." I continued feeling him tense beside me. I knew this will hurt him but I guess it's his fault. He chose to be with him and that's what's going to happen. I'll use him up but make sure he had fun along the way.

I hope Axel kills me.

We leaned against each other and slowly fell asleep in the other's arms. I could feel my body curl up to his while his arms held me tightly with the sensations of love filling him. I knew more about his body then I should but I accepted it.

I guess it must be because I care for him in a way even though it may be hard to understand. My eyes opened slightly when he kissed my cheek. He was staring at me with a look of sadness but I couldn't bring myself to accept it. For some reason it hurt to know he was hurting. Crap… I feel like a bastard.

I looked down at his soft expression and knew that he really does care. I'll have to take this seriously and at least pretend to care about him. I can't mention how I only want to fuck and how much I love his sexy ass. I call top… always. Of course if he wants to explore his sexual boundaries then I'm up for anything. As long as I'm not strapped down moaning his name. I don't do that shit… not at all… unless I'm convinced.

Cat fetishes are fine though. I can imagine him in cat ears and a cat tail… so fucking _sexy_… Damn it! I'm supposed to be thinking about making him feel like we're a couple! Not how we're going to fuck! I smirked and started thinking of maid outfits and bunny ears… I have a thing for costumes.

Shit you know what? Fuck it I gotta think of romantic fucking shit. If I don't then damn it what the hell am I going to do? I guess… roses should work. I mean fucking purple roses… I give out those all the fucking time but… I guess red should work better. When we're going out I shouldn't tell him I'm disenchanted by him. That's be _so_ wrong.

Damn stupid brat for being such an enticing sex toy! I looked down at Roxas once more to see his eyes closed while his head rested on my chest. I think… if it's for Roxas… I can handle toning it down a bit with sex. I'll even cut it down to three times a day if he wants me to… I can't handle less than that right now.

Wonder what he would say if he found out that I've been screwing a bunch of different people every day. None were in a relationship and I stopped when he asked me out. I forced myself too even though it was just yesterday. I had to tell Riku not to bother coming.

I leaned down and kissed his forehead. He looked up at me and then smirked and kissed me nice and slow. I knew he wanted to have sex but I don't want to… no not when he's this innocent. I don't know why but suddenly when I have him in my arms I don't want to do anything more than hold him.

"I love you so much." Roxas whispered with his eyes closed as he leaned closer to me. I smirked at him and kissed his cheek causing him to blink in surprise and then he got up and began to leave. I watched him go but instantly grabbed hold of his wrist. "You want to come too?" he asked softly making me nod.

I realized instantly that he wasn't facing me so he didn't know what I was doing. "Uh… yeah I do." I whispered softly. I could hear him laugh before grabbing my hand and pulling me forward. I let him and watched the back of his head.

I'm just a horny guy who uses people until they finally leave me. Roxas is the type of guy who's kind without real reason. He trusts others too easily and now… I have to be sure not to use him. If I do then I'll die inside. I can't let someone this pure and innocent fall victim to the kinds of shit I pull.

"Can you promise me something?" I asked Roxas lightly hoping he'd take me seriously even if this request will sound extremely weird. He stopped and froze in place before turning to me with dark and unfeeling eyes. I knew he was thinking the promise would be bad and could end our relationship. No, I'm too into him now to do something that cruel.

"Just promise to wait for me. If you love me or care then please wait up for me." I said as though it were a question. My whole body felt icy with anticipation of his answer. I knew this could hurt him but also help me. He may be stuck with me forever trying to keep this promise but I'll set him free if I notice that it's become a pain to him.

Roxas turned and grinned at me before patting my head affectionately. "Don't worry about it Sora. I love you and I'll always be here. You can catch up to me in no time flat with how slow I'll be." He teased making me smile.

I should have cried.


	3. Chapter 3

**Third chapter into it and I finally realize that it seems like Sora is acting like Roxas and Roxas is acting like Sora… Oops… too late to fix it though since there's only 7 chapters. **

_So let us part like we always do…_

We held hands and walked into the café knowing full well the world wouldn't understand us being together. Riku and Axel were waiting inside. They aren't together obviously. Riku even called me last night about getting together again but I had to tell him the truth… I'm taken. Apparently Axel had finally built up the courage to ask out Roxas but he said no as well saying that he's taken too.

I'd be pissed if he said he wasn't.

"You two are together?" Axel asked looking bitter. We nodded simultaneously. Both of us knew how much this would hurt them but honestly it doesn't matter right now. They need to accept the truth and be done with it. No hope can be given because I really _really_ like Roxas! It sucks that I've fallen this hard over someone but I guess it's not so bad.

If I fell in love with him completely… I don't think I'd mind so much. We held each other's hand tightly knowing that this is something we have to do to set the record straight. Riku was glaring at Roxas but Axel just motioned for me to follow him for a moment. I blinked in surprise but nodded to the red head. "I'll be back in a second." I whispered and kissed him on top of the head.

I got up and followed Axel to the bathroom. Once we entered he turned to me. "You aren't using him right?" He asked making me shake my head slowly. He sighed in relief and ran a hand through his hair before staring at me with calculating eyes. "You've never been the kind of guy to lie to someone's face. I'll trust you on that. What are you doing though? You're not the type of man to stick with someone or even claim them as yours. What's going on?"

I stared at his confused and sad features and looked into his eyes. He was nervous and cowardly… why isn't he demanding for me to break up with Roxas? Why won't he fight me to see who's the stronger man and the one who should win over the blond?

"Why aren't you going after him still? Does he mean that little to you?" I asked softly wondering what the heck is going on in his head. He used to spend hours a day telling me how gorgeous and brilliant Roxas is but now… he's just demanding to know why I'm dating him. Can't he be a man for a moment and fight for the guy he supposedly loves?

"I'm not going to suffer your wrath for a sexy little guy like him. There are others, but granted, you did probably get the best." Axel smirked and patted me on top of the head before ruffling my hair with a light smile. I scowled at him.

"You don't care enough about him to fight me or try to take him away?" I demanded angrily wanting to know why someone wouldn't attempt to give up so much for someone as special and amazing as Roxas! It makes no sense to me!

"I'm not willing to turn into dust for him. I know you have a thing for melted copper right now. Besides you never answered my question. What the hell do you want with him?" He continued looking like the cocky bastard he always was.

"I don't know…" I muttered and sat down on the floor feeling the world slip away around me. I honestly don't know what the fuck I'm doing anymore. I just want to be with him and spend time with the son of a bitch. He's so fucking sexy but at the same time he's too pure to touch… what am I going to do.

"Sounds to me like you're in love." Axel teased before giving me his hand to help me up. I looked at him hoping he was just kidding around and wasn't serious. If he is then I have to kick his ass. I thought about what he said and then began to think about it more. What if Roxas and I spent the rest of our lives together?

I could handle that. In fact, I could enjoy it quite a bit. Wonder how long it'll take me to say 'I love you' to him. Axel put his hand on my back and led me out of the bathroom. When we got to our seats Riku was glaring at Roxas and the blond was looking away. Axel punched Riku in the arm nice and hard before winking at me.

I scowled once more and thought about talking to Roxas but he was already getting up ready to leave. I quickly got up after him and followed the blond to wherever it is he needed to go. "Okay whatever, it looks like _I'm_ paying." Axel called after us but I ignored him knowing full well that this isn't the time for that.

"What happened?" I asked knowing it can be nothing good. If anything then it has to be something to do with Riku and what he told him. Roxas ignored me and I had to hurry to catch up once we got to the parking lot.

I grabbed his shoulder and forced him to face me. "Come on, you can tell me. I'm here okay?" I growled and forced him to look up at me. Instantly the blond was hugging me tightly. We stayed like that right next to our car for a while then finally left.

He never did tell me what happened.

We were walking home taking the long way like we normally do. He was heading to my house with a soft smile on his face and his hand in mine. I smirked at him and squeezed his hand knowing full well that he doesn't understand how much I'm beginning to care about him.

"Hey Sora, do you think your parents will care about us?" Roxas asked making me glare at him harshly. He laughed lightly and scratched the back of his head. "Oh uh… yea you've been having gay sex since you were twelve right?" He asked making me nod and snicker at his dumbass expression.

"They never had a chance to care because I've always been this way. When I was six I started to check out the guys in my class so my dad forced me into military school. I was kicked out for being caught with Axel… uh this is before he met and fell in love with you of course. Honestly we were just fucking for fun. It also got us kicked out so that was even funner." I informed him with no emotion until the end I was blushing a bit.

"How is he in bed?" Roxas asked curiously turning his back to me as he played with his fingers. I glared at him and tackled the guy from behind.

"You only need to worry about how hot _I_ am in bed." I growled playfully as I nibbled on his ear. Roxas blushed and laughed at me but said nothing. It was fun teasing him like this. I believe I'm officially in love.

"You look pale." Roxas informed me blankly as he looked up from underneath me. I stared down at him and licked my lips before slowly getting up. Before I could he had his arms around my neck and was pulling me down.

"Uh…" I whispered feeling my face heat up. Damn it… I really hate him right now. Like I fucking want to rape him and kill him. Of course, Axel would get all pissy at the fact that he was wrong and that I didn't even leave a smidgen of life in him so that the red head could have his turn.

Oh fucking well it's not like the shit head deserves the blond in the first place… damn… I hate being bottom. I've only done that kinky shit twice. Yes, it's kinky for me to be bottom damn it. I fucking hate you so much Roxas… if only he could hear my thoughts… images of him in maid outfits filled my mind… aw crap. Not again.

Another boner with another guy near me. Shit. If this kid wasn't so damn innocent I would have no problem raping him into the wall but I can't do that… he might be a screamer though… that makes it worth it if I only could-

"What are you thinking about?" Roxas asked and placed his finger next to my lip wiping the drool off my face. Aw fucking hell… I keep forgetting he can make a macho guy like me drool… okay I know I'm not macho but whatever I'm a fucking beast in bed.

"About you and a wall and possibly a bed with handcuffs." I answered already planning the kinky shit out for him. He laughed at me and helped me up before turning around and walking away. I stared after him with wide eyes before rushing forward to stop him. "Wait! My little sex toy! Where are you going?" I shouted grumpily.

He just smirked at me. "Obviously you have a problem you need to fix and you and I both know you'll reject me before we get anywhere." Roxas sighed. I walked forward and kissed him lightly before letting him go.

"I'll see you tomorrow?" I asked softly.

"Yea." He whispered back and we kissed yet again only deeper. We held both of the other's hands and played with fingers knowing that this day is ending too soon. I can't ask what happened earlier and I can't admit that I love him. I mean, doesn't love take all the fun out of sex?

We could work. I mean we really could. I can finally be serious about my job as a judge in court and he can make some money with his job as a prosecutor. That's how we met. He was the guy that I met after Kairi was thrown in jail for assaulting someone… I don't remember who. I just know that I never once forgot his cold blue eyes or the fact that he was friends with Axel.

Those two things alone were enough to draw me to him, not that I have a habit of stealing the red head's toys but I do like his taste a bit too much for his liking. Oh well it's not like I care all that much, as long as I get the guy then I'm fine.

At one point my hands were on his face and his around my waist. We look alike to an extent but I guess that's what helps the attraction. It's taboo but sexy at the same time. Just look at Ouran High School Host Club… you know those twins have done each other at least thirty times. It's obvious that they want a threesome with Haruhi but I don't know how she'd feel about that.

Then again who cares? It's not like the show is real. It'd be damn hot if it was though. I sighed into the kiss and felt him move onto my neck. I allowed this letting my eyes slip closed ignoring the stares around us. They can think whatever the fuck they want as long as I get my man…

Before I knew what was happening, I pulled away. I can't go far with him. Anything more than a kiss starts to freak me out. I don't want to be the one to taint him. I won't have any pleasure in his innocence being stripped away. It'll kill me to fuck him into oblivion.

He smiled softly then turned around and left. I watched him go knowing this is how we always part.


	4. Chapter 4

**Zexion and Demyx in this fic are actually in another fic too. Those two fics relate to each other a lot and it goes on about what Zexion and Demyx are going through in their own relationship. Plus Axel's in Demyx's band. If you want to read it it's called Helping You**

_And in a world without you_

Axel and Roxas are hanging out today. I don't know why or for how long but it bugs me. I really do need him now and always but I don't think he knows this. Damn it. Fuck it. Screw it. I don't care anymore.

I stared out the window sitting on the couch upside down. I began to play a C.D. by the Nobody's. I hear Demyx is doing pretty well and that Xemnas was able to sell out his first concert. I don't care so much but I do like the band a lot. Axel's in it but he'd never take it seriously. I mean, how could he?

Demyx and Zexion have been together for years though despite the band just _now_ becoming famous. Zexion has been helping them with the pay for a while now when he just works at a library. I always knew the bookworm would work in a boring place like that.

I decided to call Demyx to hang out with me. The only other option is Riku and frankly, I don't trust myself around him. I haven't had sex in a week so I'm not doing too good but Demyx should be able to stop me if needed be.

When he came over it was obvious he was upset. "Zexion is working today." He informed me causing me to glare at him before hitting him upside the head. The blond looked at me curiously before sitting down on the couch I was currently sitting upside down on.

"_My_ boyfriend is hanging out with a potential suitor right now so shut the fuck up." I growled then sighed and apologized. Demyx grinned and nodded as though he understood when I knew that he didn't. It pisses me off but oh well. Someone this happy must have it good if he's able to bounce back this easily without getting upset in the slightest.

"How've you been? You and Roxas have lasted a week now right? That's gotta be the longest amount of time you've ever slept with just one person!" Demyx laughed making me look at him darkly.

"I've been in a bad mood. Yes we have lasted a week, and no we haven't had sex yet." I informed him using my darkest voice and the most heartless speech I could muster. Apparently this didn't make him back off like I planned it too. Instead he just glared and hit me.

"You've been cheating on him!" He shouted causing my eyes to widen. I haven't thought about that possibility yet, not like I'd ever consider it. He's too cute to cheat on. It'd be too hard to do anything to harm the kid knowing how innocent he is. I laughed nice and loud knowing what kind of bull this is.

"A load of shit. I haven't touched anyone besides him but even then I can't fuck someone that innocent." I informed him and twisted around so I was sitting up again. He laughed once more before taking my hand.

"You're going to break up with him then? I mean, your life revolves around fucking and yet your dating someone you can't fuck? How long will it last I wonder." He mused with a joking expression. I shoved him off the couch before glaring as hard as I could at him.

"I want to be with him for the rest of my life!" I cried causing the room to fill with dead silence. I don't know where it came from but somehow I just admitted aloud how smitten I am over him. I'm not trying to love the twerp but I can't help it and it's driving me insane! I sighed and curled into a ball trying hard to keep myself in check.

"You've found your mate then?" The blond whispered softly before turning to me and running a hand through my hair. It felt nice so I didn't make him stop. I could tell that Demyx is just as confused and heart broken as I am which was good in a way. It gave me someone to relate to when I know that he's in pain just like me.

Stupid fucking bitch making me feel all sappy and shit. When we were done spouting nonsense about our significant others we decided it was time to face our fears and watch The Labyrinth which is pg13 but scary as all hell. In other words, the goblins freak us out.

We were clinging to the other knowing full well this is too scary for us to handle at the tender age of twenty-two for Demyx and twenty for me. It's sad but true. I, the sex addict who loves kinky shit as long as I'm not bottom, happen to have a thing against goblins.

We screamed and held the other tightly while the song 'Dance Magic Dance' played on the movie with goblins all over the place dancing and doing fucking goblin shit. I tried my best not to freak out any more than necessary. It's hard watching shit like this while trying not to scream any more than necessary. The people next door probably think I'm having sex again but I don't care.

"What the hell are you doing?" Roxas asked from the doorway with Axel and Zexion.

"Is this the labyrinth?" Zexion asked curiously while smirking at his boyfriend. I watched them walk into the room slowly as Demyx and I looked at each other and nodded before we sprinted to the window ready to jump. Axel's known us for too long though so he was able to stop us.

"Where do you think you scaredy cats are going?" He asked with a large smirk. We both glared then shivered when Zexion played the movie again and became comfortable on the couch. I glared at Roxas as he sat down as well. There was enough room for Demyx and I to sit down if we really wanted to, but needless to say, we didn't want to.

"Come on Sora, I'll hold you if you start crying." Roxas teased making me scowl. No fucking way am I going over there! I don't want to fucking cry a shit load in front of him!

"How about you Demyx? Or are you too much of a baby to watch a scary big boy movie?" Zexion asked making his boyfriend bite his lip and look from the window, the front door, his boyfriend, and the movie.

This was easily the hardest decision we have ever had to make in our lives.

We chose our boyfriends.

But we will regret it forever.

Not that we knew that then.

"PLEASE LET ME GO!" Demyx shouted as the goblins started to appear again. Zexion had his boyfriend pinned down with Axel's help bringing a disturbing view of Demyx being bottom to everyone's mind.

I attempted to close my eyes but Roxas would moan or do something provocative to keep them open. Of course he was pinning me down since I finally decided to give in and sit down beside him.

For some reason it didn't seem right to have Roxas here. He doesn't belong in this world, but a purer one. A place where stuff like being held down to watch a scary kids movie or sexual thoughts with friends doesn't happen. He just deserves a better world than this. Before the movie ended I shoved Roxas off of me and left before anyone could stop me.

I kept running until I was at Riku's house. He let me in without saying a word and let me cry on his couch without once suggesting sex. It was nice but I knew it wouldn't last. The tears were drying fast and I knew that I need to get a grip on myself or I'll be uke and I'll deserve to be uke.

"You want to talk about it?" Riku asked. But I shook my head. I guess Roxas and I need to talk… because no matter what Roxas is always going to deserve better than me. Damn it I need to quit thinking about shit like this and get over it. I started to fall asleep knowing that tomorrow things are going to be different.

Tomorrow I'll try to join in his world and then we can be together and just be happy. I need to fucking do this before all these fucked up emotions take over and I lose it.

I need to be with him before it's over.


	5. Chapter 5

_I'll dream of you_

I dreamt about Roxas and I talking and being together. We were laughing and having a good time while enjoying the fact that there was nothing to take us apart and that we could be together forever. It was nice.

I woke up and instantly walked out the door leaving a confused Riku in the living room with a coffee in his hand and a magazine in the other. I don't need to see him right now. I need to see Roxas. He's the one I need to talk with and finally stop all these stupid girly emotions with.

I don't know what I'm feeling just isn't an answer anymore. I either love him or I don't and I think I love him. When I got to my apartment I found Demyx curled up on the couch. I knew Zexion would be worried about him even if the bastard doesn't show it. Sighing I put a blanket over him and kissed his forehead.

When Roxas called I picked up instantly and we decided to meet up at Starbucks. We need to talk for a bit and get all this crap behind us. I'm done with this and I want to be with him the best I can. Shit… fuck… I'm a fucking shitty pussy!

Oh well I'll deal with it eventually.

When we met up at the coffee shop I got myself a vanilla bean frap and prepared to talk. Roxas looked a bit nervous but sexy at the same time. He was biting his lip and looking down at the napkins at our table. I smirked but banished sex from my head. We need to talk about shit before that can happen.

"Let's talk about us." I said cockily and watched his eyes grow wide. For three hours we talked about the other saying everything that needed to be said. Somehow Roxas thought that I liked Riku but I was able to talk him down from that insane notion.

I told him about my jealousy with Axel but how I know he's too much of a pussy to really fight for him. Roxas laughed at that and mentioned how much he loves the way I talk dirty whenever I do and wishes I'd say my thoughts aloud more often than just a couple times a week. I smirked and agreed then almost had us going into conversation sex right there.

"How long are you two going to keep this up?" Marluxia groaned walking up to us with a little blond girl beside him. She was glaring at us but looked sad at the same time. He nodded to the way we were holding our hands and how close were sitting with Roxas's head at my neck.

"For the rest of our lives." We answered at the same time then kissed each other deeply. The girl looked away angrily.

"You two shouldn't be together." The blond girl whispered darkly before leaving us alone to wait outside. We both looked at Marluxia questionably but he just laughed.

"That's Namine. She's a little witch with a fondness for memories. Apparently she's a friend of Axel and Riku that makes you two being together a bad thing according to her." He informed us with a smirk. I knew he didn't take this seriously and nor do we.

"Namine is pretty cute for a girl. I just wish she was a guy though. If she was then we'd want her." Roxas said making me look over at him curiously. I nodded slowly knowing I'd want to do a threesome with her for sure.

"Are you two going out or something?" I asked Marluxia making him pale and glare at us before finally looking out the window at the blond girl who was looking angry and bitter at the same time.

"Larxene would kill me if I cheated on her. No, Namine and Demyx have some common relation somehow so we're watching her until Zexion and the blond get their own place. Then the girl is staying with them until she can afford a place of her own." He explained making us nod and smile thinking about other things like dates and parties.

To be honest, I don't know why I'm still talking to him. It seems pointless and stupid. I glanced over at Roxas as he glanced over at me then we got up together and started to leave. The soft purple haired man blinked at us before following out the door.

"How long were you going to have me waiting?" Namine asked softly not looking up at him. Our friend glared at the girl and grabbed her arm roughly. He's known to be violent when he's mad so we were used to this but it was awkward in a public place. He dragged her to his car as we just watched.

"Too bad." Roxas whispered softly.

"But she gets to leave soon." I pointed out making him nod and then we began to leave. I watched the two of them leave in a black Mercedes before we began to head out to the bus stop to get to apartments.

"True enough." He murmured before dragging me over to the side. I blinked at him in surprise but said nothing as Riku and Axel walked past. Who cares about them now? They lost a while back anyway so it's not like it matters much anymore.

I got Roxas, beating Axel and Roxas got me, beating Riku. All's fair in love and war. I smirked and let my boyfriend kiss me knowing that we wouldn't have much time before the bus gets here. When the bus got here we got on and I instantly called Demyx.

"Hey man, are you out of my place yet?" I asked curiously and winked at Roxas knowing full well what we're planning on doing. He blushed lightly and looked away.

"… yeah. I'm going on tour starting next week so I need to start packing." He whispered softly into the phone. If the bus was packed then I wouldn't have heard him but it wasn't. It bugged me that he wasn't acting like his normal happy self.

"What happened?" I asked harshly knowing I'm going to kick Zexion's ass. Everyone knows how heartless he is to Demyx and it's about time he gets pounded for it. I could hear the blond's breath hitch and then drop down to its normal range before a small laugh was heard on the other end.

"I'm single now and Zexion has already moved out of his apartment. Promise to call me when I'm on tour okay? I need to get ready." He cheered but it was incredibly bitter. I frowned at the phone and realized he had hung up on me.

I glared out the window as the bus stopped at our apartments. "What happened?" Roxas asked lightly not knowing how upset I was.

"Zexion and Demyx have broken up. But… we are just getting started in our relationship." I smirked at him and dragged him into my apartment. I played Demyx's band's C.D. and we did it. For the first time I made love to Roxas. Fucking is fucking but making love is something completely different.

It's real sex… and I was having it.

My perfect dream of Roxas.

**Good last line but it was not all a dream. I mean dream come true… yeah that sounds cheesy.**


	6. Chapter 6

_When I come to, let us meet_

For some reason the tour with Demyx means that I get stuck riding a motorcycle to the apartment while Axel and Roxas ride in one behind me. I guess it doesn't matter all that much. I laughed to myself and waved at my boyfriend who immediately waved back.

We had a lot of fun last night and I want to do it again soon… but first we need to be there for Demyx and help them get ready for the tour. Axel plays electric guitar for the band while Larxene plays bass, Marluxia drums, and Demyx is singer and sitar player. They're actually pretty good.

Roxas spent the night at my place last night but we didn't have sex. Instead we just kind of talked all night about anything and everything. It's like we're friends with benefits. _Best_ friends with benefits. He told me about his life with Olette, Pence, and Hayner and then how they all split up once each person got hooked up with someone.

I had nodded at this then soon he asked about my own friends. I told him about Kairi's poor crush on me when everyone knew I was gay and how Riku has gone after me since he found out I was gay. It was innocent and interesting. I never gave much thought about it.

I had told him about Demyx and me and how I had taken his first kiss in order for him to become good enough for Zexion. Then I had to tell him that they split up. It sucks but it's true. He seemed sympathetic but then I found out how I was his first in everything. That made me feel… dirty… and sick… it felt disgusting to say the least. I just stole my boyfriends innocence without realizing it! Damn it.

We fit together… _so_ well. I just love him so much and I'm already planning the next seven dates. I can't help it… I just keep thinking about us and then I feel all fucking warm inside. I drove into the next lane and noticed Xion. She's one of Roxas's friends but they haven't talked in a while. She was driving a truck but I could tell she was worn out for some reason.

Instantly everything went black and I could feel wind blowing me off of the bike and into the air. Screams were heard and then I fell down. No pain anywhere but I noticed Roxas laying beside me with his eyes closed and blood… so much blood. On me and on him. Fuck it… I don't need love.

**(I actually planned this fic… and this is absolutely necessary. There's a reason there's going to be a sequal. I think this will end at 8 chapters so don't worry but just know that I expect flames)**

I dreamt about some kid with blond hair and eyes that remind me of my own. We were holding each other and laughing about trivial things. It was sweet and made me think of being with this person forever if only he were real. I'm dreaming though, and I'll never meet this boy in real life. I guess that's okay.

I woke up to see silver hair. He had blue-green eyes that seemed to shine when he saw my own opened. "Thank god you're fucking okay!" He cried moving forward toward me. I blinked in surprise and looked at the strange boy.

"Who the fucking hell are you?" I groaned and rubbed my head feeling a large bruise and some stitches. I could tell I was in a hospital room now with some strange boy. For some reason my body reacted to him which I guess means I'm homosexual. This is a great thing to discover when you don't remember anything else… That's called sarcasm.

"Don't you remember me?" He asked softly making me shake my head before looking at the remote. I pressed the nurse button and waited for her to come in and take the nut job away. I know there's no way in hell he's my boyfriend.

"I'm Riku." The silver haired boy informed me with a smirk and then leaned forward before crawling onto my bed. I blinked in surprise at the boy and then shoved him off of me. Instantly a nurse ran in and pulled him out of the room before shutting the door behind her.

"Hello Sora how are you doing?" She asked making me scowl.

"I don't know who I am." I informed the nurse making her look at me oddly before rushing from the room. I sighed once more and glanced out the window. I want to go back to sleep and dream about that boy again. Of course, I won't since he's not real. You can't dream about things twice unless you know it really well. I don't so there you go.

This theory is probably wrong but I don't have a thing for false hope.

I got up and left the room bumping into a distracted boy with red hair. He was talking animatedly with the blond from my dreams causing my eyes to widen. He looked at me curiously before turning away and walking off. I stared once more then rushed forward to join him. Before I could the nurse grabbed my arm.

I was forced to talk to several doctors in order for them to figure out how many memories I've lost and how much I can understand. It turned out I was ready to live my life if I could only figure out who I was. Luckily Riku knows me… or so the doctors say. Honestly I think he's a rapist.

An hour later another boy with blond hair came and checked the redhead, blond boy from my dream, and me out of the hospital. He told me I get to stay with him while Axel and Roxas stay together. I found out that Demyx (the blond that picked us up) is my best friend and has been for years.

I guess… this is my life?


End file.
